the consequences of divorce

The problem with divorce and remarriage is that the new wife's (or husband's) interests never begin with the step children. The new wife's (or husband's) interests might include the step children because they are generally first on the parent's list of priorities, but they don't come first or even second for the new wife. At least this has been my experience.

My father had a relationship with his now wife not long after he divorced my mother. It is her first marriage and my dad's second. She has no kids of her own to understand the commitment parents usually have for their children. My dad was supposed to be home in November, then he extended his service in the Peace Corps, which is admirable. The new arrival date was moved to January, then it was moved again to March. When I say "it was moved" I mean my father voluntarily extended his stay for each of these increments. In March he decided he had to stay because the Director of the Peace Corps (the director of the whole organization) was to visit his site in Joal, Senegal to see the project my dad has been working on. I don't begrudge him for staying longer yet again. It was a big opportunity for him and I would have done the same thing. He left Joal right after the Director was there at the end of April. He went to France to oversee the renovation of his brother-in-law's house in southern France (which I knew was the plan). He was due to come home at the end of June, definitely by July first because his BIL had renters arriving at the house on or around the first of July.

I got a call today from my father who said -- you'll never guess -- that he's not coming home until the end of July or beginning of August. The reason? Because his wife, who is in Senegal now, but who had traveled to France recently and is no longer working for the Peace Corps, is having a "hard time" and she and my dad need to spend some time together. So she's going to France I don't know when and they're going to "spend some time together," and then he's coming back. I didn't ask what happened to the tenants who are supposed to be renting her brother's house. I did suggest that they spend time together in the States so he could come home sooner. He said that she is going to stay in France through August and that she's not planning to come back any time soon.

Great. It's a good thing baby Doodle's not older and feeling as neglected as I am by his grandfather.

Ms. Fix It

Yesterday after I pinned one of two soon-to-be slip covers to one of my chairs I fixed the faucet on baby Doodle's bathtub. This entailed unscrewing the hot and cold handles, using a wrench to loosen and remove the nuts inside the handles, cleaning the large faucet washers that sit inside the faucet and replacing the two faucet washers that are secured to the inside of the handles (the part with the nut). I was proud of my handy work and the faucet no longer drips. It pays to have a handy dad who can show you these things.

Josh Ritter concert numero dos

I posted about the first of Josh's live performances (that I saw) in November and we saw him again today. We drove to New Holland, PA in Lancaster County to spend the day outside in the rain at the Spring Gulch Folk Festival. It was entirely worth it. Josh and the band put on an excellent show, as they did in the fall, even though there weren't many people there and the cloudy, gloomy, rainy weather was a bit of a downer (for those who aren't Ritter fans). He energized the crowd with his upbeat numbers and made a fan out of everyone there.

As we were pulling into the entrance of the Spring Gulch campground Josh walked in front of our car. I ordered Mr. D to roll down the window and I leaned over him and called out "Josh, Josh." He came over to the car and said hello. We chatted for a few moments. He asked what our names were then said he'd see us later.

As I said, the show was great. Baby Doodle really enjoyed it, as he's heard a lot of Josh in our house and asks for "more Josh Ritter." The band played for about an hour and fifteen minutes. The drummer was very nice and talkative after the show. Then Josh came out and I asked if he could sign my CDs (Animal Years and Historical Conquests) -- I'm such a dorky fan. He asked me to walk with him because he was supposed to make his way to the tent where they were selling his CDs. He had remembered my and Mr. D's name, and couldn't quite come up with baby Doodle's, but still, I was impressed. During our brief walk we talked about what he's working on now, what he'll do for the week between this show and the one next weekend in Philly (he's going to NY to see some friends and eat a home-cooked meal), where my husband and son were (they were walking about 20 feet behind us, baby Doodle was walking slowly), how I thought his performance was (awesome, enthusiastic), and some other things. When we got to the tent he gave me a hug and asked me to bring baby Doodle and Mr. D by so he could say hello to them, too. In the meantime he talked to, took pictures with, and signed CDs for other fans. We waited in the line and Josh knelt down to talk to baby Doodle. He talked a little with Mr. Doodlebug, then waited patiently while one of our impromptu friends took our picture with our camera and hers, which was a better camera than ours. Then we left.

If you know me, or if you notice the amount of detail in this post is excruciating, then you know how meaningful the day was for me. I'm going to stop here to try to save just a little face.

a good day

I have been in a good mood all day even though I locked myself out of the house, my frozen groceries half defrosted in the trunk of the car and baby Doodle didn't take his nap as early as I would have liked. Girlfiend had her baby last night -- another boy -- and there is just something about new babies that puts me in a good mood, especially new babies of friends of mine. So, congratulations Girlfiend.

Another friend and her daughter came over to watch baby Doodle so I could go visit the new baby boy and Girlfiend in the hospital, which was especially nice since she had had a pretty bad day with her daughter who didn't take much of a nap today.

I knew this day would come

Baby Doodle, who has been sleeping in a big boy bed (which is really his crib with one side rail removed and replaced by a mattress-long bed rail) for almost two weeks figured out how to push the bed rail out far enough for his little body do wriggle between it and the mattress. I put him down for his nap at about 1:15 today and a little before 2:00 Mr. Doodlebug, who had been mowing the lawn, came around the corner of the house with BD in his arms. "Guess who was in the laundry room calling out to me?"

I brought him back upstairs, rocked him again and put him back in his big boy bed. Minutes later he was standing at the top of the stairs calling for me. We put a gate in his door way and I layed in his bed with him. He pulled my eyelids open, insisted that he needed to "play trains," tried to put his finger up my nose, climbed on top of me and bounced around his bed until I put my foot down and told him I would leave if he didn't calm down and try to sleep. He didn't. I left. He cried and screamed. I can hear him talking now. I would guess that he's in his door way leaning his head out, but I'm not going up there again for a while. I don't know how people get their kids to stay in bed once they know they can escape. I hope it's just the novelty of his discovery and that after a few days he'll sleep in his bed without getting out of it.

come home already

My father and his wife were, until recently, in the Peace Corps stationed in Joal, Senegal (that's west Africa) for the past two and a half years (they extended their service). Now they're in southern France living at my father's brother-in-law's house while they oversee its renovation. Ironically, my father had great Internet service at his house in Joal (laptop at home with Internet connection and Skype) and no service at the house in southern France. Apparently they're working on getting it. I've only received one, maybe two, emails from him since he moved, and no Skype calls. The last he told me he was coming home "at the end of June, beginning of July." I asked when his flight is exactly and he hasn't responded yet.

He hasn't seen baby Doodle since he was seven months old. They have talked on the phone on many occasions and BD has sung his ABCs and sometimes has something to tell Otahn, the name my father has given himself in lieu of Grandpa, but usually the conversation is one-sided and baby Doodle loses interest quickly, as is the nature of a two-year old.

I'm glad that my dad is coming back soon because I really want baby Doodle and he to have a good relationship, not that it's too late, but I see how much he loves Grandma (my mother), Grammy and Grandad and I want that for my father, and for BD. Hopefully, I'll get a response to my email and know for sure that he is in fact coming home soon.