Still nothing

Still no baby or even labor.
I am having mild contractions now but they're sporadic and not that painful which means I'm not in active labor, which means I could have the baby tomorrow or a week from now. I'm trying to deal with the utter unpredictability of labor. The docs basically can't tell anything from the clues, like that I'm 2 cm dilated or that I'm having mild contractions. I wish they could say, you'll be having the baby within the next 2 days. Instead they say, you really could have the baby any time between today and 2 weeks from now. Not very helpful.

One week and counting

After waking up a few times last night with pains in my abdominal area and thinking maybe I was in the early stages of labor I realized that they were not real contractions. One of the telltale signs for distinguishing between real and false contractions is if you move positions and the pain changes or goes away. If it does then you are not having a real contraction. Both to my disappointment and relief I was not having contractions.

I am beginning to get emails and phone calls from people asking how I'm doing, but secretly wanting to know if I've had the baby yet. For a long time I thought I would deliver after my due date (April 4), but after I found out the baby's head moved down into my pelvis I thought maybe I'll have this baby on or before the due date. Now I'm not so sure. It seems that Bean is perfectly satisfied in its tropical waters even if its squeezed tightly in there. A lot of the time the baby's feet, butt and back are pressed up against my skin. It feels extremely tight to me so it must feel that way to the baby, too.

Yesterday, Bean didn't move that much. I started getting worried that something was wrong. I ate breakfast before I showered for the sole purpose of getting Bean to respond to the influx in fuel. S/he moved around ever so slightly. I had a little more sugar than usual to get Bean in action, but again s/he didn't move all that much. I was glad to feel any movement though. Today, Bean is back to her/his normal antics; pushing its feet out against my left side and moving its back and butt in grand ungraceful sweeps.

While I'm waiting I am trying to keep myself busy. Today I drove over to NJ to return the stroller that I had ordered on line last week. The one that was delivered was not the one that is advertised on the website. At first I was dreading having to truck the stroller out to one of the not-conveniently located Babies R Us stores, but it gave me something to do today to keep my mind off the anticipation of the baby's arrival. Yesterday, I planted bulbs and seeds in our garden and flower pots. I have cleaned our house and organized Bean's room as much as I can. People say that when you go around cleaning your house and making everything look perfect you're nesting and that is a sure sign that labor is not far off. But I feel like I've been "nesting" for the past 4 weeks and don't have any more in me. I have also run out of things to knit for Bean. Last night I finished a baby bath mitt that took me all of 2 hours to make.

Still waiting...

5 Penn Tower

I got pregnant so quickly after Mr. Doodlebug and I moved to Philly that I didn't have time to really do research on ob/gyn practices. I ended up choosing the group of about 10 doctors and 2 midwives at 5 Penn Tower (that's the fifth floor of a 20-some story building that houses both a hotel and medical offices associated with the Hospital of the University of Pennsylvania). Since the doctors and midwives there have privileges and do rotations at the Hospital of the University of Pennsylvania, aka HUP, I thought I would be in good hands. And, in fact, I have not felt that they have missed anything as far as the baby and my health go, but their bedside manner could use a makeover to say the least.

The idea behind the practice is that expectant mothers are to make appointments with as many of the doctors/midwives as possible during the nine months so that when she goes into labor she will know and be familiar with that person. Right then I should have been able to foresee what type of care I was going to get. I do not get to choose the doctor that delivers my baby, I have to see who I get of a group of about 12. Times sure have changed from when my mother delivered me. Her doctor attended her baby shower and was available to my mother any time of day or night, then again she lived in Vermont and not a big city. But what about Dr. Huxtable, he lived in NYC, and seemed very in tune with his patients.

When I complained once to one of the doctors that no one from the practice called me with results from various tests he said that they see 200 patients a day and wouldn't possibly be able to call each time one of them had a test done. 200 patients a day!!! Therein lies the problem. There is no personal care, they run their practice like an assembly line of baby-producing robots.

My visits are like this:
I wait in the waiting room anywhere from 5 to 45 minutes, though if I am 15 minutes late for my appointment they make me reschedule. To be fair, I only waited 45 minutes once, and usually wait about 15. Then a nurse takes me into the triage room where she weighs me and takes my blood pressure. I am then taken to one of the exam rooms where I pee into a cup and wait for a short time, usually no more than 10 minutes. The doctor or midwife comes in, asks how I'm feeling, puts the doppler mechanism on my belly and we listen to the baby's heartbeat for a few seconds. Most of the time he/she tells me that "this machine doesn't tell the heart rate, but I can tell it is within the normal range." Once one of the doctors used his watch and brain to figure out the heart rate, but the others seem unwilling or unable to do that. Then, after I was truly showing they started measuring my belly with a measuring tape at each appointment. "Any questions?" the doc/midwife will ask in a tone that tells me they're hoping I don't have any. If I don't they give me the paperwork to schedule my next appointment and promptly leave the room. If I do they answer them and then leave.

There is absolutely no attempt to inform me of anything about my particular stage of pregnancy. They are so tight-lipped on offering information or advice like; what I should be expecting in the coming weeks or days, if I experience certain symptoms that I should call them or go to an emergency room. Luckily, I do a lot of reading and have a few friends who are/were pregnant to fill me in on the wealth of knowledge my doctors don't have the time or inclination to share with me. This includes at my 37-week appointment just last week when I assumed the doctor would begin telling me what to expect during labor and when I know that I am truly having contractions etc. . . But almost nothing was said. She told me to call if my water breaks. Thanks for the advice, doc.

Mr. Doodlebug and I attended the 6-week, $100 birthing class HUP offers earlier this year and that was extremely helpful and put me more at ease with what to expect during labor and from the hospital, nurses and doctors. Had we not attended this class, I would be much less prepared for what is to come given the short shrift I get at the doctor's office.

I had one experience there with a particular doctor who ignored my concerns, both medical and emotional. I have been assured that she will not be delivering my baby even if she is on call when I go into labor.

I have my 38-week appointment this afternoon with a midwife there who I like. For the most part the two midwives take more time and show more concern for me than the ten or so doctors.

For a first-time pregnant woman there is no way I would choose this practice of doctors. I am hoping that the good reputation of HUP will make up for the experiences I've had at 5 Penn Tower when I am actually delivering the baby.

Knitting projects for Bean

Two Weeks and Counting

Our baby is due in two weeks (April 4). I'm not overly anxious but I am ready for our little Bean to be out in the world with us. I try to imagine what it will be like and how our lives will be forever changed, but it's too surreal to wrap my head around. Sometimes I find it hard to believe that the baby is actually coming. Part of me fears that something will go wrong (this has been true for most of the pregnancy) and part of me can't believe that this thing inside me is a real person, our child at that, for whom we will be completely, 100% responsible.

Mr. Doodlebug and I were told that it would be close to impossible to have children without fertility drugs as my estrogen levels were too low and I was not ovulating. I was going to give Clomid a try, but at the last minute decided to wait and try for a few more months without the aid of foreign substances. I'm glad I waited to take the drug because we really didn't have that much trouble getting pregnant. The trick for me was alleviating the extreme stresses in my life, namely relocating to Philadelphia where I knew no one and finishing up teaching 7th and 8th graders at a rough middle school. We found a house to buy and the school year ended. Five days after settling on the house and moving in (I do not recommend settling and moving in on the same day -- BIG mistake) I got pregnant, of course we didn't know it until the end of the month.

I was nauseous for the entire 12 weeks of the first trimester, but because of my extreme phobia of vomiting I didn't actually get sick. The nausea was so bad that I would have to keep my head completely still at times until the wave passed. I felt sick until about 2:00 or 3:00 in the afternoon most days, which made going to work much more of a chore. I ate a lot of toast, rice cakes, saltines and eventually egg sandwiches with cheese later in the day. Like clockwork my so-called morning sickness ended at 12 weeks and my second trimester began.

The second trimester was great. My skin got really soft, I felt the baby kicking me and moving its limbs around, my weight gain and that of the baby were minimal making it easy for me to sleep, get around, tie my shoes etc. . . We had the 20 week ultrasound and got to see our little Bean. That is when we named it Bean instead of calling it "it." We chose not to find out the sex and are still waiting to be surprised. Everyone we know, and some we don't think we're having a boy. It's amazing how dedicated people are to their old wives tales of choice about how to determine the gender of one's baby. Some say that if you're carrying high you'll have a girl (I'm carrying high), some say if your weight gain is mostly in your stomach area and no where else that you're having a boy (this is how my weight gain has been). Some swear by the Chinese gender predicting calendar (which says we're having a girl), while others think a circular-swinging ring over my belly means we're having a boy. Even though everyone has their own ideas of how to predict the gender, they all continue to think we're having a boy.

My husband and I think of April 4th as a deadline not an estimate. We might be unhappily surprised to find that I carry this baby until well after April 4th. In fact, I feel no signs that Bean is going to come out any time soon. Bean will be the first grandchild in both of our families. Needless to say my mother is beside herself with excitement about becoming a grandmother. I hope she considers moving closer to us now that she'll have more incentive, but I doubt she'll leave the town she's lived in for 27 years.

And the waiting continues...

Testing 1, 2, 3

Just testing out my blog so when I actually have something to say I'll know how.