I might become an alcoholic or shoot myself

Okay, so the first two weeks of Pancake's life were definitely a honeymoon period before the real shit hit our lives. My children are simultaneously the reason I want to shoot myself and the reason to live. Baby Doodle has turned into a non-behaving, annoying, manipulative little shit. The last two days have been the worst. It's so ridiculous to live this way it's comical. Baby Doodle is not only refusing to nap, he's refusing to stay in his room so Mr. D and I can have a brief part of our day without playing some game or listening to whining about how we won't play some game with our three year old. Now I have to buy a lock for BD's bedroom because he won't stay in it. I put up the gate and he figured out how to use his trash can as a step stool to climb over it. I took away all five of his bats so he couldn't play baseball. I took away two of his favorite engines (Murdoch and Gordon) for two days. No effect at all. When I tell him to do something it's as if I'm not even speaking. I'm frustrated and tired and annoyed all day long. We didn't go to story time on Tuesday because of his stubbornness. We were late to gym class on Wednesday for the same reason. We didn't leave the house today even thought Mr. D and I thought it would be fun to bring BD to Smith Playground -- you can guess why. Tomorrow we're going to bring BD to the Toy Train Museum in Strasburg, PA. I hope we make it there. Now add to all this a screaming infant in your ear for 40% of the day and you've got the makings of an alcoholic mother. I'm on my third glass of wine for the night. Let me pause here to take a sip.

Now, before you feel sympathetic, if you have the inclination to feel that way, let me remind you that Mr. D is home with us. I'm not even doing this on my own and I still can barely handle it. What on earth am I going to do when Mr. D goes back to work, which isn't until after Memorial Day, but still, it's looming on the horizon like a big dead end, like the end of my existence. I long for the late evenings when both children are sleeping and I can close my eyes and not here anything. No nagging, no asking, no whining, no screaming in my ear, no crying, no potty training. Oh the hours between 11pm and 3am are wonderful.